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A sorry state of affairs
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by RICHARD C. MARTINEZ
Over the last few days, I have had to deal with, at least 5 new cases brought to my attention.
A very sad, sorry state of affairs, indeed, when one considers that ultimately the children of any marriage or relationship, end up being the culprits of their parents? misunderstandings, when instead of trying to sort out their relationships and find out what is really happening between them, and start to deal with their daily lives adequately, they end up causing havoc and ruin to their own children; because make no mistake; a child may seem not to be affected by any of this, right now, but with continued peer pressure, it will affect their lives, later on, as they grow older, into adolescence and adulthood!
THE SORROW
So, instead of providing the reader with what we expect will one day be done, we would now like to make the reader aware of the sorrow that some parents are going through, by providing every now and then, examples, in the writers own words, so that the public at large, may finally understand the ?real? sorrow, behind the vast amounts of family disharmony that Gibraltar has been going through the last few years; I for one, am now more convinced than ever, that having stood at the last General Elections of the 11th October, was, is, and will always be, something that I will never ever regret in my life, and would have wished for, much earlier on, for someone else to have done so; but, as it happened, fate & most importantly, faith, fell upon me, to bring family issues to the fore, and therefore I feel that I cannot let anyone down, and will continue to be available, for anyone who wants to talk to me, and I can be reached, or a message left, on 5471 4000.
With this in mind, I?d like to thank the Lions Club, who will be making available a room within their premises, so that we can meet socially, and gather to exchange experiences, and hopefully, even have a laugh, at the absurdities that one has to go through, when one turns to those that are meant to be there to help you, but unfortunately, end up, making things worse.
Our first ?social gathering? will be next Wednesday 25th June, and we hope, that over a couple of drinks and maybe even a few tapas, we will be able to get each others lives, into a better perspective!
We cannot change anything; we cannot, unfortunately, change anybody; but we can sure act, as the adults, we are supposedly meant to be!
By an affected Father: ?Last Sunday was Father?s day. Yet another Father?s Day without receiving even a phone call from my children. Not a surprise for me given that my children do not normally call me at all since my separation five years ago.
Some mothers do not seem to comprehend the importance of a father in a child?s life. In my point of view, it is very important for a child to feel free to access any of their parents or parent?s family. Either parent must give the child the confidence of being able to talk freely to their respective parents of their doings and achievements. It is very easy for the parent who has the custody of the child (normally the mother) to psychologically make the child believe that although they see the other parent from time to time, they are not an integral part of their lives. The other parent is then treated by the child like a neighbour or in my case a stranger. Matters get worse when family and friends support the cause. Now they become the careless instrument of the child?s pain.
We know that in this world there are hundreds of children who, whether through divorce or other circumstances, mourn for a father they are no longer able, or allowed to see.
Those men who dress in superhero clothes and climb on roofs are at pains to proclaim to the world that families need fathers and there can be no doubt that injustices are perpetrated by the courts and by a prevailing attitude, which marginalises men in the lives of children.
Of course, what the protestors are really saying is that families need good fathers ? and it is good fathers whose rights and feelings should be taken into consideration. As we know to our cost, the world is full of sorely inadequate parents (of both genders) who?s children live in varying states of chaos or who suffer from appalling mistreatment and/or neglect.
My point is not to apportion blame but to remind both men and women that the more we marginalise the role of fathering, the greater the cost to the next generation.
Last December, after five long years of turmoil, I stood my ground with my children, and told them that I had had enough of being treated by them like any other person. I have always been there for my children both financially and morally. I have always produced my quite enhanced monthly maintenance payments on time, always attending any functions and never missing out on access, when it was facilitated.
I do not know whether it was in the best interest to the children but it was my last resort. The children could not carry on treating me and my family like perfect strangers. Before taking this step I had tried all sorts, working with Social Services, ChildLine and through law to make my children?s mother realise that those children need a father even though they have a maternal grandfather and a stepfather (my former wife re-married) that might love them too. My actions ricochet on me and now six months later, my children will not come to see me even though I call them every week whether to ask about school or invite them to outings to which they always have other plans even though people tell me they see them around separately; i.e. my daughter with friends and my son in the patio.
My situation is depressing me at the moment because although I have a family sharing my life with my partner, and her sons, whom I love lots, and whom I think love me, I am still missing my own son & daughter. Given that I had a vasectomy done after my second child, thinking that my life was completed and settled with my ex wife, it has been very unfortunate in that everything went wrong and now I find myself without my children and longing to have one of our own, with my partner. We are seeking alternatives, such as artificial insemination.
Sometimes I ask myself what have I done to be treated like this. I remember when I was a kid, my father had problems with alcohol, but still I did not treat him like if he were a stranger, and I have always loved him even in his drinking days.
Thank God there are still millions of fathers out there who continue to put their families first. I salute them and my own,
Happy Fathers Day, Dad. ?
When I read this, and even right now, as I write, my heart thumps, and a tear slowly slips from eye; these are very sad words indeed; and only if you have been affected by this, will you ever be, really, able to grasp, the enormity of the suffering that surrounds us; and simply, because a parent cannot understand his/her Parental Responsibility!
CARING ENOUGH
I hope to bring you an insight into a woman?s point of view; one who has been caring enough, to put her children first, and although the marriage came to an end, their children were saved from the horrors of Parental Alienation, at the hands of a Hostile Aggressive Parent; and to women like that, we should all raise a glass to, and not only toast to their unfaltering care of their own children, but for their understanding that a father, is simply, a father, and that no one has the right, to exclude, any child, from either parent, or indeed, from any member of either parents? family.
Yours, as always, in the hope that sense ultimately prevails; and where it does not, that prayer may bring those senseless parents to a meaningful comprehension of the suffering they are indirectly inflicting on their own flesh & blood!
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